{"id":6810,"date":"2021-12-13T15:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/?p=6810"},"modified":"2021-12-13T19:21:22","modified_gmt":"2021-12-13T19:21:22","slug":"sex-columnist-alex-cheves-brings-out-a-beast-of-a-memoir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/2021\/12\/sex-columnist-alex-cheves-brings-out-a-beast-of-a-memoir\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex Columnist Alex Cheves Brings Out a &#8216;Beast&#8217; of a Memoir"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cI did not set out to write a memoir because who writes a memoir at 30? The book was originally designed to be a collection of my previously published pieces,\u201d says Alex Cheves. But faced with a raft of essays and articles written for a wide variety of publications, Cheves ended up cutting most of the essays and penning new ones. \u201cAnd in the editing we were like, \u2018Oh it\u2019s a memoir,\u2019\u201d Cheves says.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Published in October, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.spdbooks.org\/Products\/9780991378036\/my-love-is-a-beast-confessions.aspx\"><em>My Love Is a Beast<\/em><\/a> is the rare memoir that is unstinting in its depiction of a voracious appetite for sex. But fans of Cheves expected nothing less; after all, this is the man who <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/2017\/07\/first-time-fisters-what-you-need-to-know\/\" target=\"_blank\">played a role in making fisting a topic of mainstream discourse<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/MLIAB-copy.jpeg?resize=243%2C366&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6840\" width=\"243\" height=\"366\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/MLIAB-copy.jpeg?resize=679%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 679w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/MLIAB-copy.jpeg?resize=199%2C300&amp;ssl=1 199w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/MLIAB-copy.jpeg?resize=768%2C1157&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/MLIAB-copy.jpeg?w=986&amp;ssl=1 986w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 243px) 100vw, 243px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI knew even before I got the internship at The Advocate that started my career 10 years ago that I wanted to write about sex,\u201d Cheves says. He initially intended to write fiction, but his time at The Advocate launched an entirely different trajectory for his writing. \u201cI knew when I walked into the Advocate offices I wanted to focus on sex and sexual health, and luckily there really wasn\u2019t any sex content at The Advocate at the time and I filled a content gap. But I knew that I had to be unapologetic to the point of being shocking, otherwise no one was going to read it. And I knew I could do that, and I knew I could write about things no one else was writing about.\u201d Cheves points to the reluctance to publish an article on fisting; indeed, a slideshow on the subject on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.advocate.com\/sexy-beast\/2018\/5\/09\/25-tips-your-first-fist\">TheAdvocate.com<\/a> features a \u201cword of warning\u201d from Cheves that includes this sentence: \u201cThe views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences.\u201d An article on the 101s of fisting <a href=\"https:\/\/www.menshealth.com\/sex-women\/a37211953\/anal-fisting-for-beginners\/\">published this past summer on Men\u2019sHealth.com<\/a> includes no such trigger warnings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That speaks more to the nature of writing about gay sex in America than anything else; Cheves has received hate mail for his entire career. In fact, the book just elicited his first death threat, something Cheves laughingly refers to as proof that he\u2019s doing something right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote\"><blockquote><p>&#8220;You can write about politics and people get nasty. You write about sex and people really respond viciously.&#8221;<\/p><cite>Alex Cheves<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI had a really good mentor at The Advocate, Christopher Harrity,\u201d Cheves says. \u201cHe took me under his wing and was like, \u2018I want you to know when we publish your first sex piece you\u2019ll get some really nasty messages. And that&#8217;s exactly what you want to do. That\u2019s the only way you&#8217;re going to do anything. It\u2019s going to get really harsh.\u2019&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou can write about politics and people get nasty. You write about sex and people really respond viciously. And it becomes personal because you\u2019re talking about something that&#8217;s personal with them. And that was very true. I learned a long time ago not to read the comments and if you get a message on DM with lots of exclamation points, just delete it and move on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote has-text-align-center is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/2017\/01\/the-cum-dumps-guide-to-mid-atlantic-leather\/\" target=\"_blank\">READ: The Cum Dump&#8217;s Guide to MAL<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>An angry reluctance to engage in any meaningful way with sex and sexuality (to say nothing of gay sex and sexuality) is nothing new to anyone visiting Fort Troff. But Cheves\u2019 refusal to be <a href=\"https:\/\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/2018\/06\/why-kink-pride-matters\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">anything other than unapologetic about his appetites<\/a> and his past should point a way forward for everyone, regardless of one\u2019s personal kinks and fetishes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI have to say that something in my genes or some weird twist of fate, I never actually felt shame,\u201d Cheves says of grappling with a religious upbringing and his burgeoning sexuality. \u201cI felt rage. And I think people go one way or the other. The rage has caused its own issues, but I recognize that beneath everything there\u2019s this nice deep hot coil of abject fury that runs me. That\u2019s my little inner motor. I think when your parents shame you, you can retreat and go back in the closet and embrace that shame or you have to become very antagonistic against it.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With the publication of <em>My Love Is a Beast<\/em>, Cheves is focused on looking forward, with some concern.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cPlaces like apps and websites are great\u2014but they\u2019re not an adequate substitute for events,\u201d he says. \u201cI could not understand the kink community until I went to Folsom. You need that experience, or something equivalent. You can find forums and communities. And obviously Twitter has really thriving kink communities. And all these spaces are important and connect you to people and give you a sense of what your kinks are, but if you&#8217;re a new kinkster, you need to make it a priority to go to an in-person event.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMAL and Folsom and Pig Week and Fist Fest, they all really matter,\u201d he adds. \u201cAnd so the fact that they\u2019re all increasingly threatened should be a major concern for our community because they <em>are<\/em> our community.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?resize=307%2C384&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6842\" width=\"307\" height=\"384\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?resize=819%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?resize=240%2C300&amp;ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?resize=768%2C960&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?resize=1229%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1229w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/dev.forttroff.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/3E0A7112-2_websize.jpg?w=1280&amp;ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 307px) 100vw, 307px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My Love Is a Beast continues to force readers into frank conversations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":6845,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[627],"tags":[628,630,629],"class_list":["post-6810","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interview","tag-alex-cheves","tag-gay-kink-advice","tag-my-love-is-a-beast"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Sex Columnist Alex Cheves Brings Out a &#039;Beast&#039; 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